Avis Wilson Lattin 1910-2008

If you have spent any time with my grandma in the past few years, you may guess that she'd be disappointed in herself for not making to 100; as that seemed to be a goal she was working towards.

In reflecting about grandma's life - one thing stands out to me about how she lived it - she was consistent. For example, she make all of those gingerbread men perfectly every time, and they were always available for her to share - even at a moment's notice. She enjoyed sharing her cookies and would send me back to college in New Paltz with a tin stocked full of her fantastic cookies.

Other examples of her consistency are -
- how she would get ready to go out by first collecting her jacket and purse, applying lipstick in the kitchen mirror, putting on a plastic bonnet to keep her hair tidy, and put on her rubbers to keep her shoes clean and dry.

- or how her home was always immaculate, even though I do not recall ever seeing her clean.

- and how she went across the street every 2-3 weeks for 60 years to have Donaldine do her hair.

- and how she was probably the only person in the world who was able to read my dad's illegible hand writing in order to type it up for his newspaper columns.

Looking back, I can point to when she and I became closer.

When grandpa passed away, I was in 6th grade, and my burgeoning social worker side came out - when I felt concern for grandma and the loss of her husband of over 50 years.

I wanted to make sure she was ok, and on many Sunday mornings we had the house to ourselves as Dad and Adrienne had things to tend to. So, I recall focusing on having grandma show me her photos of the trips she and grandpa took across country, of the little house, and of dad as a child. I did my best to ask as many questions as possible to keep my grandma engaged.

This tactic worked for a while, but eventually we just moved into what I think she preferred to do: Play Cards.

One time when we were playing Rummy 500 and the cards had been dealt - grandma picked up her cards, sorted them, and tried not to smirk. When it was her turn to play - she was able to lie down her whole hand! It was all consecutive hearts 6 to Queens. We were both completely flabbergasted how that actually happened. So, the next time it was my turn to deal, I was certain to shuffle REAL good.

At times when I was in college I would write her letters, just to tell her how things were going. One time I shared with her a new activity I had discovered and drew her a picture of it...

There was a huge 1 to 2 storey pile of leaves out in the fields on campus. At night, I'd go out there, climb to the top, peel off a layer of leaves, nestle in on the warmth of the composting matter below me and watch the stars.

Grandma got a real kick out of this, as when she wrote be back she drew her own picture of me on the pile - and commented to me about it a couple of times when I saw her again.

In the past few years, things changed for grandma as dementia took more and more of who she used to be. But, even then, grandma was still consistent about certain things... one of which was her perpetual response to "how are you doing?"

"Well, I am still breathing."

When she said that, I felt left hanging because I wanted to hear from her that things were OK; that she was content. Maybe when I reach 98 years old, I'll have a better idea of what she meant.

Her response also left a lot for Dad and Rene to take on... as the dementia progressed, they saw the importance of keeping grandma at home for as long as possible because it was the one place in the world where she was comfortable and confusion was at a minimum.

I want to thank dad for all you've done for her, especially these past few years, because taking on the role of caregiver is a tremendous load, and you've done your best to keep grandma at home, where she wanted and needed to be.

My grandma was a very good woman, who I will miss very much.